New life as a mumma has come with all kinds of challenges so far but it has also given me a totally new perspective. Perhaps the fact that for the past 8 weeks I've been absorbed in this sleep-deprived-new-baby-time-warp has given me a 'step back' that has allowed me to look at things with new eyes. While chatting with a friend I realised just how much has changed since I first started a blog, about 5 years ago (I think). Back then, for me, it was a courageous act that took me right out of my comfort zone. It was a challenge I set myself. It was a way of giving myself a voice and a way of stepping more fully into my own soul work. It became a spiritual practice. A way of keeping myself accountable, of paying close attention and receiving and integrating the messages I was receiving through my painting process. I think over time this changed slightly, not necessarily in a bad way. I think I began being more aware of those who might be reading what I was sharing. It began to be a way of also connecting. Somewhere along the way, though, the practice of writing became less of a priority. Where I'd once been committed to writing every week, I began writing less and less. I began getting too concerned with what and how I "should" write.
So I'm setting myself this challenge anew. Because I think I could do with this spiritual practice of writing again. I think it could be interesting to commit myself to stopping once a week to notice and pay attention to what the universe is saying to me. I'm going to do my best to keep my expectations open, to be flexible in how this might look - because let's be realistic, sometimes with a newborn, the best plans go awry.
It seems almost fitting that I'm writing this (well, finishing it!) on a New Moon. The energies are big right now, and the emotions too. It's easy to allow myself to fall into these big energies and feel overwhelmed and consumed by them. It's easy to forget that all that energy is not my own, but part of the collective. Yesterday I was challenged to face some old stories that have been left buried for a long time. For the first time in a very long time I allowed myself to look at them with curiosity and to ask myself what the universe was trying to show me. Today I'm asking the same thing... what are all these immense emotions and collective energies trying to show me... to show us? It's a hard thing to do. Sometimes the answers are not what we wish them to be, however, there is a sense of freedom and peace that can be felt in hearing them regardless.
Perhaps it is the fact that I also have an exhibition coming up, but I get the sense that we are being asked to be bolder, braver, more willing to stand up in our truth. To not be afraid of the changes that seem to be accelerating and manifesting all over the place (I know I'm not the only one).
I step into my paintings, and it seems like my mission to embody these ideas more and more every time. To be willing to explore the unknown, to be playful and bold, to be curious and aware. To be open and receptive. Each mark is a gift, each layer a way of listening. The finished painting is basically a bonus. For others to resonate with something I paint is an extra added bonus, but not the goal.
(Step into Mystery. 30"x30" acrylic on canvas)
Be bold. Be courageous. Be True.
Let's aim for that anyway.