Honestly, I've been thinking about this blog post for the past couple of weeks. It may have started whilst I was sitting in a cafe in Ubud, Bali, or even on the plane as I flew over the most incredible Australian desert landscape. The inspiration was flowing, but the thoughts that were crossing my mind were fairly incoherent really. Basically I found myself wondering, how can I be honest, authentic and present when I feel like such a mess...
It always feels like a fine balancing act, knowing how much to say, how vulnerable to make myself publicly...but it all comes down to the belief that we have to accept our own "human-ness". Don't you agree? The expectations we hold of ourselves are sometimes so out of whack. At the end of the day, we are all human. And guess what?
Sometimes I am most definitely not together.
Sometimes I cry (a lot).
Sometimes I don't know how to focus.
Sometimes the doubts and fears are the loudest voices.
Sometimes I don't know how to overcome them.
But sometimes I do.
I know that the Universe is guiding me.
That I am living in my Truth
and walking my own divine path.
I also know, without a doubt, that you can't have one without the other.
Yes. If you are living BIG and allowing yourself to pursue your highest potential, then it is going to come with a big ol' side dish of fear. I'm learning to just accept that. And in accepting that, I'm learning that it is ok to share that, too. This is something that resonated so deeply when I read about it in Elizabeth Gilbert's book, Big Magic, in which she says:
"Dearest Fear: Creativity and I are about to go on a road trip together. I understand you'll be joining us, because you always do. I acknowledge that you believe you have an important job to do in my life, and that you take your job seriously. Apparently your job is to induce complete panic whenever I'm about to do anything interesting - and, may I say, you are superb at your job. So by all means, keep doing your job, if you must. But I will also be doing my job on this road trip, which is to work hard and stay focused. And creativity will be doing its job, which is to remain stimulating and inspiring. There's plenty of room in this vehicle for all of us, so make yourself at home, but understand this: Creativity and I are the only ones who will be making any decisions along the way...You are allowed to have a seat and you're allowed to have a voice, vut you are not allowed to have a vote....You're not allowed to touch the road maps; you're not allowed to suggest detours; you're not allowed to fiddle with the temperature... But above all else, my dear old familiar friend, you are absolutely forbidden to drive".
I believe strongly that the more we share our human-ness, the more likely it is that we stop over-criticising ourselves (and each other). The more likely we are to get on with doing the work we're called to do. The more likely we are to hear when it is our Ego, or Fear, talking and turn down the volume so we can tune into our own inner wisdom, truth and instinct. The more we recognise our human-ness, the more likely we are able to show compassion and humility.
The more we do all of this, the more we put ourselves back in the driving seat, rather than being chauffeured around by Fear.
At the moment I am moving between these currents and doing my best to keep my bearings. It's not always easy, actually, it has been an incredibly difficult time. Sharing this in itself brings up some painful memories and fears around being seen and the repercussions it could have (what exactly I'm not sure, but the fear talking tells me it could be bad). However, I am also determined. Determined to be real. Authentic. Honest. Present. That means not hiding when I'm going through a hard phase and waiting till I am "all better". That means trusting that this, too, is all part of the process. It means also trusting that these words will go wherever they need to go.
Wherever you are, however you are travelling, I hope that you know that it's all part of the process. Sometimes the most difficult layers of a painting are what make it come alive the most, even though it's usually near impossible to see that at the time. So if that is you, if you are travelling a rocky path right now, I want you to know that I'm right there with you.
Beneath these layers, are the words "Gathering in the earth, emerging in the shining river". Take the time you need to gather yourself together. Nurture your heart, your mind, your body... because you deserve your own love and compassion.
Love & Light, M xxx