© 2018 by Meredith Mallin. All rights reserved.

To sit in the muck.

August 13, 2014

Today, admist the somewhat 'ickyness' of technical businessy things, and 8 works in progress, I've been pondering and trying to process the last little while, which has felt like a bit of a whirlwind. Back in May, I decided to begin working with an artist business coach (Laura, who is amazing, by the way!). Since then, I have been working away at setting up the "business" side of my creative life. And even though it has been so exciting to see things come together, it has been a pretty steep learning curve too (it still is). With each step, new lessons arise, and sometimes it can be quite overwhelming too.

 

To move forward, takes risk and vulnerability. It takes faith and trust and a whole lot of courage. It takes determination, deep thought, effort and time. Time to let things unfold, time to listen in, time to dream and grow ideas and to then cultivate them. Time to feel the process and to sit in the muck. Talking about the "muck" could fill an entire book (in fact, there are many already I'm sure). There's a reason that in the process of growing that we have to spend time in the less lovely places - in life, in your mind, in your heart (even on the canvas). When sitting in the muck, there is a weight, but it is not hopeless. It is knowing. It is a knowing despair of, listen. I wonder if you have ever felt it...heard it...in your deepest and muckiest of places.. sometimes it is a whisper and sometimes it actually feels more like a desperate and loud cry "LISTEN!" It is the soul, calling to you to see beyond this physical and emotional place, where the uncertainty of being vulnerable and brave seems too great a cost. It is the soul, who reaches to you to unfurl and evolve into all of your potential. The muck is the place where transformation is possible, where pieces of ego are stripped away, and pieces of your heart that have been bruised, scarred, buried, ignored and sometimes forgotten are poilished... renewed... restored... rediscovered... the truth of who you are is put back in it's rightful place, honoured, seen and celebrated.

 

And so, I am reminded today of the delicate balance between things in life. The way that happiness and joy can sit so closely to feelings of overwhelm, defeat, despair, anxiety. Sometimes it feels like I'm teetering on the edge, swaying back and forth. The core, what keeps me strong, the thing that pulls me back to joy - always - is the deep knowing that this is my souls work. I've been called to it, and for whatever reason it is, I need to listen and trust. It is a process...a living process. I am reminded today to not shy away from the days and moments where I am taken to the "less lovely" places, but to instead listen in... to feel the deep necessity of being there and uncovering the lessons that can only be found there. To being witness to the learning and growth and restoration that is possible there, and to allow myself to celebrate the unraveling journey. 

 

So I hope, wherever you are sitting on this precarious see-saw, that you are able to allow yourself to acknowledge and celebrate your own unraveling journey. Perhaps you are sitting in your own muck...and if so, I hope you will receive a deep sense of knowing, that you are there for a reason and to know that it takes time to polish a heart that is traveling in this life... but you are glowing anyway! I hope you will feel a "lightness" in just knowing that. 

 

love and light to you...

 

xxx

 

 

 

 

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